Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous
by egor11572
Summary: Though in the face of death he admits his feelings, Remus is reluctant to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who deserves more than he can give. Thus, it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. RLNT.
1. Chapter 1

**Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous**

**By: **Susan

**Disclaimer: **It's a shame I don't own anything at all related to Harry Potter.

**Summary: **"And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

The night before the full moon, Remus believes he hears an intruder outside his flat and is confronted with what he believes are his last moments. Though he understands the threat that he and all in the Order live with daily, Remus is reluctant to allow himself to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who he believes deserves more than he can give her, but it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. The progression of RL/NT throughout HBP. Please R&R!

**x x x**

A spray of water from the window sent a chill that seemed to pervade Remus Lupin's whole body. It was raining like mad outside. The torrents of water streaming from the sky and slamming violently on the roof were bleak reminders that autumn and following it, winter, were on their way. Every once in awhile, more water would enter from the window, but Remus was too tired to get up to shut it.

He was alone for the night. Remus was used to being alone; he'd been left alone for almost fifteen years. But Sirius' reappearance in his life more than two years ago left him feeling as if there was someone looking out for him. Someone had taken pity on the werewolf and gave him back a friend.

But June had shattered thoughts like those, shattered them like a piece of glass hitting the floor. Or a teacup dropped by Nymphadora Tonks.

Remus had long tried to brush his pain away, and many times he thought he'd succeeded in doing so. However, he'd catch a fleeting look of pity given by Tonks or Molly Weasley's urges to eat more because he was looking so thin, and the pain would gallop back towards him as if he had been hit with a Stunning Spell. It seemed like once a month he began to feel better about himself, about Sirius, about life, but the point came inopportunely. He'd start feeling again, and suddenly remember that the next night was the full moon. The depression would seep through his sagging, pitiful robes to his pale skin.

He settled himself on his bed, pulling away the lumpy flannel sheets and countless torn pillows. With the potion Severus concocted for him monthly, he underwent the same transformation, keeping his mind intact. Unfortunately, at times he could not control the strong urges to bite or scratch, leaving much of the bedding in his room in tatters.

Remus sunk down onto the bed, flipping the torn pillow over and laying his head on it. A gust of wind slithered into the room, accompanied by another stream of water, and Remus sat up straight in the bed. What was his reasoning behind leaving the bloody window open on a rainy night? He stood up, slammed it shut (almost catching a finger in it), and sat back down on the bed, trying to keep his eyes from wandering to the window to see the phase of the moon, even though he already knew what it was. Gibbous. Tomorrow would be the full moon.

He settled down on the bed once more, closing his eyes as his head hit a pillow. Order duty had been hell this week, and he needed one good night's worth of sleep since tomorrow he knew he wouldn't be getting any. As he lay, he heard the sound of the strengthening of the rain outside. He thanked himself silently for shutting the window a moment ago, as it sounded like the beginnings of a storm.

_Crash._ For a split second he thought the sound was thunder, and that he was correct in predicting the approaching storm. But he realized a second later that it sounded much more like someone throwing something (or perhaps launching a curse or a hex) at the outside wall of the house. Remus opened one eye, hoping that he had imagined it.

_Crash._ He opened the other eye, knowing he hadn't, and sincerely unhappy about it. He stood up slowly, picked up his wand and grasped it firmly.

_Crash._ Hell, was that really coming from outside? He opened his bedroom door slowly, ignoring the shiver down his spine. Was someone outside his flat? Had Voldemort decided to finish off the last of the Marauders?

Remus struggled against the sinking feeling in his stomach, trying to remember where everyone was. Molly and Arthur were at the Burrow. Nymphadora, Kinglsey, and Alastor were at work or at their own homes. Fred and George were in Diagon Alley. Albus, Severus, and Minerva were at Hogwarts. He was alone. He was used to being alone, but being used to it did not make the situation any less frightening.

_Crash._

He took a deep breath. _Think, Remus, think. You might be dying tonight, if outside is indeed what you suspect. Is there anything you must do before you die?_ He bit his lip and slowly made his way through the hallway towards the front window.

_Crash._ Remus took another step. _Is there anything you must do before you die?_ An answer piped up at him from the depths of his mind, where reasoning wasn't often used. _Tell her._ He shook it off and took another step down the hallway. Voldemort was indeed brilliant; he chose to come at a time that no one would be visiting Remus for days. No one would dare come see him during the course of the full moon, but he'd bet the Order would come looking for him after it; Nymphadora always brought him some food and other things in the nights after his transformation.

_Crash._ Maybe he should put it in a note, leave it on the table where she could find it. Although he knew in his heart that leaving a note to Nymphadora Tonks before he died would not suffice. Nymphadora Tonks was not the kind of woman he wanted to leave a note telling her of the feelings he had for her before his death.

They'd toed a thin line between friendship and more this summer, Remus reminded himself. Their whispers about Sirius were joined by pitying, tearful hugs and nights without sleep, instead spent sitting together and talking. He was glad even through the pain he'd had someone to share this with. Fifteen years prior, he'd lost James, Sirius, and Peter all in one night, and he was completely and utterly alone and defenseless to the emotions that attacked him. Sirius had meant the same to Nymphadora. He was only part of her family she'd ever been accepted by, and he was one of the only friends Remus had ever had.

_Crash._ He took a detour to the kitchen, grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, and scribbled quickly, writing only a couple of words. He needn't make it heartfelt; she'd have to be stupid to not know, between the blushing and stammering that overtook him when she glanced his way. And he was certain she was not stupid. But he assumed that if she knew and disregarded it, it was certainly because her feelings were elsewhere, probably for a more handsome, younger man. One that didn't have the hazard of turning into a beast when the full moon rose.

Yet there was always a small part of him that wondered about the reason she'd come into his life…Obviously because they were part of the Order of the Phoenix, but perhaps for something more…But other times, he thought it was nonsense to even imagine things like that…Sirius and James had come into his life, and they'd been snatched away from him. Perhaps that was her purpose as well…To once again remind him that he would always be alone while he longed to be in someone's company.

_Crash_. He left it on the table, knowing that it was rash and it was stupid, and if he lived, he'd snatch that parchment back up as quick as could be. What good would it do? Wouldn't it be better if a secret like this was left alone? Remus took another couple of steps, leaving the kitchen, crouching on the floor. He was five feet before the door, and the crashing was louder than he could imagine.

_Crash._ He unclasped the bolts; his hand was inches from the doorknob, his other hand gripping his wand so hard his fingers began to turn white. He flung the door open, raised his wand, ready to scream a curse, and saw a soaking wet Nymphadora Tonks.

He lowered his wand, fighting back the urges to either pounce on her or hit her straight across the face. What kind of a person would stand outside, throwing things against the door in the middle of the storm?

"Thank goodness, Remus, I thought you'd never open the door! I didn't know what I was going to do!"

Remus stared in shock as she bounded past him, a purple blur, and tossed her wet cloak onto the floor. The robes beneath her cloak were just as wet, and half of him felt stupid and apologetic that he had made her wait outside while writing a note in case he died. The morbidity of the thoughts he held lately was overtaking him. Remus took a deep breath, the other half of him urging himself not to scream. She'd simply scared him out of his mind, no lasting harm done.

"What in the world was that crashing, Nymphadora?"

"Tonks, Remus. Tonks. I was banging on the door for at least ten minutes. I was afraid you'd gotten hurt or something. It'd be a spanking good time for Voldemort to come for you, since nobody will be here tomorrow night." He felt a distinct swell of pride that dissolved more than half of his anger at her. She cared enough for him to stand outside for ten minutes in the rain to make sure he was all right.

"Well, here I am, fit as a fiddle," Remus said quietly, a slight blush creeping up into his cheeks. He silently cursed himself for use of the expression "fit as a fiddle." If it didn't reveal his inner (and outer) old bat, then he wasn't a werewolf.

She smiled at him, making his stomach dance a lively jig. "Do you have an extra set of robes? I'm soaked through."

She galloped towards his kitchen, knocking over a chair in an attempt to get to the countertop so she could drop her bag. "Did you leave a note here, Remus?" she asked, picking up the parchment off the counter, "Did someone come by?"

He followed her quickly, not stopping to pick the chair back up in fear that she'd read the note before he got there. He grabbed it from her hands before she had the chance to look it over.

"Don't worry, just a note from Molly. She owled me earlier to make sure I was all right. Don't bother, I'll get you a dry set of robes," he said in one breath, and she nodded, still looking curiously at the note in his hand.

"Did I interrupt something?" Tonks asked, looking around. "You're always by yourself lately, and I thought you'd be interested in talking. You seem lonely."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I was actually planning on a goodnight sleep, but I daresay that won't be happening." He crumpled the note, stuffed it in the pocket of his tattered robes and walked from the kitchen to the hall closet.

"Anything of Molly's in there? I know she tries to come by sometimes, does she ever leave robes? You don't think she'll mind if I borrow them, do you? I don't think she likes me much…"

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind lending you robes, but she only leaves one set, and that's only now and again, and anyway, she's gone and taken them home for washing." Tonks groaned, then squeezed some water out of her robes. "The question is," Remus said, sticking his head back into the kitchen, "Would you find it uncomfortable to wear something of mine?"

"Everything about you makes me uncomfortable," Tonks said with a grin. "Give me anything, you fool. I'm soaked to the skin." Remus smiled, feeling a blush creep softly into his cheeks, went into his room, grabbed a set of robes with the least patches, and went back into the kitchen.

"There isn't a drying spell we could use?" he asked as he handed them to her.

"Not unless you want my robes to get all dry and crunchy. And then they'll smell oddly too. You know that feeling, after something air dries?"

Remus smiled at her discursive way of interjecting random facts into daily conversation. He quite enjoyed that about her. "No, I expect I don't."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Get out while I change, will you? You'll make me blush."

"I'll be in my room, Nymphadora," he said with a smile. He exited the kitchen, sat down on his bed and grinned in spite of himself. Regardless of the fact that he'd be up all night tomorrow, he obviously didn't mind that Tonks had come to see him. It flattered him that she had even taken the time to come, considering it was nearing midnight.

When he talked to her, he seemed to feel slightly more alive; he forgot his pain and sorrow, he forgot that he was a werewolf. Forgetting those things wasn't easy, and yet when she smiled at him…all his problems seemed to evaporate.

"Remus, I think I'll treat you to a new pair of robes for Christmas," Tonks said, making her way into his bedroom and pleasantly interrupting his thoughts. His robes were long and didn't fit her short, slim frame well, but they showed an almost tantalizing bit of skin above her breasts that Remus had to actively keep his eyes from perusing. "Merlin knows you need them." Tonks jumped on the bed beside him, moving a pillow over to inch closer. He tried not to notice her hand resting gently on his knee. "Well, this is comfortable, isn't it?"

"It's comfortable enough." They were silent for a moment. Remus looked over at Tonks, who was looking around his room with interest. In all her visits they hadn't strayed far from his tiny kitchen or sitting room. He flushed suddenly. Was it too forward to have brought her into his room? He leaned on a pillow that had some stuffing missing, studying her expression of curiosity and decided that it was not.

"So, Nymphadora, what brings you here tonight?" Remus asked, breaking the silence. Part of him hoped she wouldn't think anything of sitting on his bed, and the other part of him, admittedly, the more senseless part, had a fleeting hope that she would turn towards him and snog him senseless.

"I just wanted to see how you were, Remus."

"And did you intend to stay long?"

"Long enough for my clothes to dry," she told him with a smirk. "Although if you hadn't left me outside for so long…" she let the end of her sentence linger, and he grinned at her.

"And just out of curiosity, where did you leave those clothes?"

"I left them to rot on the floor," Tonks said with a small smile.

"And I'm not picking up after you," Remus assured her.

"Well then, I'm sure Molly will enjoy cleaning that next time she comes by. I suppose then she'll dislike me even more," Tonks said flatly. She took Remus' blanket and covered herself with it, lying back on a pillow.

"Do make yourself comfortable, Nymphadora," Remus said, watching her with a small smile. Only Nymphadora Tonks would make herself comfortable in someone else's bed. But he too huddled beside her underneath the thick blanket.

"I'll do so. But tell me how you're feeling. I haven't seen you in at least two weeks."

"I'm all right. I've been looking for work for the past few days and tomorrow night I'll be…er…" He trailed off and Tonks turned to look the other way. Remus looked down at himself. All the confidence that had built up from her visit and her sharing his bed suddenly vanished. He reminded himself he was, after all, a werewolf, hardly handsome, poor, and more than ten years her senior.

"Is it painful?" Tonks asked quietly, sitting up to meet his eye. Remus turned to look at her.

"Is what painful?" Remus asked, sitting up as well, but he already knew what she had meant.

"Transforming," Tonks said simply.

Remus sighed. "Why, yes, I suppose it is. The Wolfsbane potion stops it from hurting as much," Remus' voice was very quiet. "But it can still be painful." He held up a ripped pillow as evidence. "But since the invention of that potion, it seems that things like this are probably the worst to come out of it, other than lack of a respectable career and the repulsion and distrust from most human beings." Tonks looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"Not all humans are like that, Remus."

"That is true. But from those I've met aware of my lycanthropy, most are."

"I'm not like that," Tonks said quietly, putting a comforting hand on his. His hand tingled with excitement, and his confidence came zooming back towards him as if it were riding a Firebolt.

"I know," said Remus softly, feeling his cheeks burn from the contact. "That's one of the reasons I like you so much, I suppose."

Tonks grinned at him. "I like you too, Remus." She squeezed his hand a little tighter, and he turned away to keep himself from staring at her. Purple hair and bright eyes that didn't seem to need a smile to look happy. She was, of course, unusual looking, and yet he liked that about her. He couldn't help but think she was by far one of the prettiest women he'd ever seen, even when she changed her nose to look like a pig's. He was smitten, he told himself privately, if he was attracted to a woman who could change her nose to a pig's snout at will. And she was brave and intelligent, no question about it. He sighed. What he wouldn't give to be with her. He looked so plain and old sitting beside her.

Remus cleared his throat. "Well, I must say that you gave me a fright before. I assumed you were a Death Eater who'd come to finish me off."

"What, with all the slamming on the door?" She shrugged, as if an impending Death Eater attack was completely unlikely. "I'm just glad you were awake. Slightly shocked to see a wand pointed inches from my nose when the door opened…Not what I call a warm welcome…Though I suppose letting me kip here for the night could make it all worth it." She inched closer until she was able to lean her head against his shoulder, and he was slightly shocked when the wet tips of her purple hair grazed his cheek.

"In my bed?" Remus asked, visibly stunned. He swallowed and took a deep breath, touching his cheek in disbelief where the wet spikes of hair had swept across it. She wanted to share his bed. It was what she had implied. He swallowed again, trying to prevent himself from blushing.

"Well, it _is_ considered proper for a man to offer up his bed for a woman, Remus," said Tonks, looking at him curiously. A part of him sighed with relief. She only wanted him to give his bed up to her. The other part of him was disappointed that she had clarified the thought, and that part of him took temporary control of his mouth and began to speak.

"Nymphadora, I would gladly offer you the couch. I must say, I think you have something else in mind."

Before he could stop them, the words were out. His cheeks were burning now. He bit his lip, cursing himself silently. What in hell had he meant by that? Tonks yanked her head up from his shoulder and stared him straight in the eyes.

He took this expression as the correct time for an immediate apology.

"I-" She put a finger on his lips to keep him from continuing. He tried to shake her finger off, but she held tight, staring at him with wide eyes, as if daring him to say more.

"Whatever do you mean, Remus?" Tonks asked innocently, positioning her arms around his neck so that when she lowered herself to the bed below them, she took him down with her. Lying across the bed, she placed their heads on the largest pillow, and kept her face inches from his. Remus was stunned that she could be so audacious, but pleased all the same. "Do explain before I choose a different man's bed to sleep in."

His face was burning. She had her arms around his neck; her lips were inches from his own. He took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm. Perhaps she was only playing with his mind.

"You might be more comfortable doing so, as I don't know if there's enough space in this one," Remus said with a lopsided smile. He nudged her slightly closer to the edge of the bed. She grabbed his arm, suppressing a laugh, and lightly stroked the hair on the nape of his neck.

"There's enough space if we sleep very close together," Tonks said playfully. Remus almost pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "And who knows, perhaps I don't like the choice of men in the other beds," she whispered mischievously, causing Remus to raise an eyebrow.

He was more shocked than ever that she could be so bold in a situation that scared him as much as the thought of an intruder at his flat. He swallowed and studied her face for a second. Judging from her smile and the way her body felt so close to his, she was enjoying this as much as he was. He knew that it would be clever to continue the conversation they were having.

Remus put his mouth very close to Tonks' ear, so close, in fact, that his lips were just skimming her smooth skin. "Do elaborate," he whispered, putting his hand on hers and stroking it lightly. Her eyes widened, and for a moment he thought he'd said something wrong, but he realized a second later that it had happened out of shock that he had responded in pleasure to her boldness.

She promptly moved her face even closer to his, the scent of mint tingling in his nose. He was instantly thankful he'd brushed his teeth right before she had arrived, and not right after he had eaten earlier that night. It had been many years since he'd had feelings like this for someone, and despite his lack of experience in the field, he was almost certain that she wouldn't pull away if he kissed her now. But it would have to be at the perfect time…

"Well, seeing I particularly enjoy the company of the man in this one, it seems silly to leave, don't you think? But, if you insist…Perhaps I'll see if Kingsley's home…He's brilliantly handsome, don't you think, Remus?" She sat up straight and made like she was getting up. He grabbed her arm.

"Don't," he said seriously. His voice was suddenly hoarse and forlorn. A second of fear seemed to flicker through him, but it vanished the moment she spoke.

"Give me a reason," Tonks said in a singsong voice, but she leaned over him anyway.

"Gladly," Remus told her. He was certain that now was the time. He pulled her on top of him, took her face in his hands and let his lips brush her own. They parted after a second and Tonks smiled down at him.

"You've convinced me," she said, leaning down to kiss him again, pleasantly surprising him with a bit more zeal. He wrapped his arms around her waist while she ran her hands along his cheeks. "Finally, Remus," she breathed, "I'll have you know I've liked you for ages."

He couldn't help but smile. "I take it you knew?"

She shrugged. "Everyone's said things, but I've never believed it. Not until tonight, I suppose," she added as an afterthought. "You're very hard to read, Remus. So you certainly gave me a bit of a shocker with that first comment about having something else in mind."

"I had no control over it, Nymphadora," Remus said innocently. "It just flew straight out of my mouth." She winked at him.

"I'm glad it did," she whispered, beaming down at him. He smiled back at her, enjoying the feeling of her hands traveling across his cheeks. They were silent for a moment.

"Remus, dear, you need a shave," Tonks said, breaking the silence and running her hands through the stubble.

"Is it me, or have you been entirely too critical about everything tonight, from my robes to my beard?"

"It's not a beard yet, but if you keep it up…And it'll look dreadful, I can promise you that."

Remus shook her head in his hands and pulled her lips down to meet his once again, taking delight in the shiver of passion he felt fly through him. Tonks lay down beside him and placed a hand on his chest.

"Do you have work tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

She groaned. "Always the responsible one, aren't you?"

"I'll have you know I was thinking of something slightly less responsible in asking that question, Nymphadora," Remus said defensively, his cheeks flushing once again.

Tonks began to laugh and let her lips travel across the parts of his neck and chest that were exposed. He closed his eyes, enjoying the way her warm lips felt on his skin. If someone had told him that this would be happening that morning, he would have considered taking them to St. Mungo's to be checked for a head injury. And here he was; the kisses she was planting on his body were warming him like a hot fire.

"Why do you call me Nymphadora?" she whispered, closing her own eyes and laying her head on his chest.

"The same reason you call me Remus. It's your name."

"And what if I ask you nicely to stop doing so?"

"I shall tell you nicely that I will not."

Tonks shook her head in mock sadness. "I thought you'd be so enamored with me that you'd agree to stop…"

"How about Nymphie as a nickname? I feel quite sure we could make arrangements," Remus said with a smile.

"Never," she said dangerously.

"I thought so. Dora?"

"Absolutely not…If you try it, I'll get right out of this bed and-"

"Am I correct in saying that you're all too enamored to make your way out of this bed?" Remus said wryly, stroking her cheeks.

"Kiss me again and I'll let you know," Tonks said playfully, smoothing the hair that was clinging to his forehead with one hand, and running her other over his stubbly cheek. He let his lips meet her own for what he hoped wouldn't be the last time, letting the flourish from when they touched wash over him like scalding hot water.

Remus slipped his hand into the pocket of his robes in the midst of kissing her. He fingered the crumpled note he had left on the counter, thanking whoever was watching over him with every inch of his body. He had believed he was moments from death less than an hour ago, and here he was, alive with Nymphadora Tonks in his arms, feeling remarkable. He was incredibly glad that he hadn't needed that note to tell her how he felt. He was certain that the words, "_I think you know how I've been feeling, Nymphadora_," did not do justice to his emotions at the moment. He was elated. And as he kissed her again, he was glad that even without telling her how he felt, she knew.

**x x x**

Please leave a review!

**To be continued…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous**

**By: **Susan

**Disclaimer: **It's a shame I don't own anything at all related to Harry Potter.

**Summary: **"And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

The night before the full moon, Remus believes he hears an intruder outside his flat and is confronted with what he believes are his last moments. Though he understands the threat that he and all in the Order live with daily, Remus is reluctant to allow himself to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who he believes deserves more than he can give her, but it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. The progression of RL/NT throughout HBP. Please R&R!

**CHAPTER TWO**

**x x x**

Remus awoke the next morning early, his body in what he had years ago deemed pre-transformational pain. His arms and legs were rigid and his neck stiff. He wedged a curled up, innocent-looking Tonks out of the crevice of his chest to keep from waking her and walked quietly into the kitchen, where he busied himself making some morning tea and eggs. His robes, the same ones from last night, as neither had felt like getting up to change into something more comfortable, felt sweaty and clung to him oddly, and he knew it wasn't because he had slept beside a beautiful woman last night. Even before the full moon, Remus had begun to feel the changes inside him.

"Morning Remus," Tonks greeted him quietly as she entered the kitchen.

"I hope I didn't wake you," Remus said.

"Nope, it was time to get up. I have to work."

The conversation seemed oddly formal and Remus silently hoped there would be nothing awkward between the two of them. What were they exactly now? A couple? He swallowed hard as Tonks settled herself at the kitchen table, levitated the teapot towards her and poured herself a cup.

"Remus, I don't know why you're so bloody quiet," Tonks said conversationally.

"I…er…" He looked out the window. The rain had gone, leaving the grass behind the house wet and shiny and the trees to match. There was a shadow of the moon in the early morning sky, even closer to full than the night before. He sighed and looked back over at Tonks, whose purple spiky hair had suddenly begun to droop.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" she asked knowingly.

"I can't break up with you if we haven't started dating," Remus said quietly. "Can we start?" Tonks whispered. Remus didn't look at her, but instead looked down at his hands, clammy with trepidation about the coming full moon and his robes, ripped and threadbare. Last night, and any other night before this one he would have given anything to do this…to be with her. Just holding her calmly in his arms after kissing was too far from meeting his appetite for her. He wanted to run his arms over her body and kiss her passionately and make love to her and see her smile. He'd always wanted that.

And yet, here he was, questioning himself. Not the feelings he had for her, of course. He knew exactly what those were and what they meant. But he found his mind which had taken a backseat last night, suddenly reminding him that he was a werewolf. He was dangerous. He was not the sort of man that any woman as astounding as Nymphadora Tonks should be with.

"Hell, Remus, I don't care." Tonks' words were said quietly, but there was an urgent pleading in her voice that Remus took note of. "About you being a werewolf, I mean.""

He shook his head wordlessly. "Nymphadora-"

"Tonks," she countered, and Remus met her eye for the first time.

"Last night was wonderful, and you know how I feel about you, but the dangers of this, of us, outweigh everything enormously. You know that."

"Remus-" Tonks started, but she shook her head and he could see her blink back tears of anger.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered. He looked down at his clammy, aching hands. Tonight they would be covered in thick grey fur and his lips, so lovingly pressed to Tonks' body last night, would elongate to hide pointed fangs. One night of forgetting to take the Wolfsbane, and Tonks would be a victim of his own terrible fate.

"But what if I don't care?"

"I care," Remus said quietly. "I've already had everyone I've ever cared about taken from me by Voldemort. I've learned it well enough. I couldn't bear to hurt you too."

"I have to go," Tonks said suddenly, her voice unnaturally shrill. She picked her robes from the night before off the kitchen floor and began walking toward the front door of Remus' flat. He was torn between letting her go and running after her, throwing his arms around her, and declaring undying devotion. The latter, of course, seemed somewhat ludicrous, and he settled for a middle-ground.

"You know how much you mean to me," Remus said quietly as he followed. "Maybe someday…" he left the statement floating in midair.

Tonks turned on her heel, biting her lip to keep from shouting. "Someday when, Remus? When we're bloody dead? Look at the life we're living right now. Harry's just a kid, and he has to destroy the most evil man the wizarding world has ever seen! Don't you understand how important being with someone is at this point? You've always been alone! We can't fight _this_ alone." Her voice was shaking now, and involuntary tears were scuttling down her heart-shaped face.

Remus hadn't realized he had bit his own lip, but he could taste the blood in his mouth. "I'm sorry," he said tonelessly. "You'll understand one day."

"How many more days left do I have to learn to understand, Remus? Or am I just too young to understand?" Tonks asked savagely. Remus shook his head.

"You're not too young," he said quietly. "You're perfect, and you understand, you're just denying it because you want to be with me. Hell, Nymphadora, I want to be with you too, but look at us. Look at this." His hands were shaking as he held them up. "Do you know what these hands are going to be when the moon comes out tonight?"

"I already told you I don't care about that!" She shook her head in frustration and turned away from him again, walking briskly but almost cautiously towards the door, as if hoping for him to tell her to stop and come back.

Remus' irrational side, which very infrequently made its way to the forefront, was screaming for him to shout something, anything, at her, but he didn't say a word.

**x x x**

"Oh, bugger, Molly, it was horrible. It was perfection, absolute perfection. He held me and we kissed and we went to sleep in each others' arms and he smiled. Molly, he hasn't really smiled since June. It was absolutely horrible."

Tonks was sitting at the kitchen table in the Burrow, her head in her arms, her eyes tearful. Her hair was lank and an awful shade of mousy brown. Molly Weasley, wearing a green dressing gown, had been bustling around making a pot of tea, had stopped suddenly in the middle of her kitchen, looking like she had forgotten the way to the teapot.

"But then," she ventured, "you kissed. So he feels the same way about you?"

Tonks nodded tearfully. "But he said he couldn't bear to hurt me and he was dangerous and all this other nonsense. Nonsense. He's got air for brains, that one, Molly."

"He's doing this to protect you then, Tonks, dear?" Molly handed her a mug of steaming liquid, which Tonks took and leaned her chin on. She nodded again, wiping her eyes with her napkin.

"He's so sensible," she said savagely. "Sensible Remus in his plain robes and reading his books. He doesn't need to make a place for love, surely."

Molly sighed. Tonks was just as inexperienced in the world of emotion as Remus was.

"Tonks, dear, do you know just how hard it was for Remus to have lived these past sixteen years? He lost Sirius and James both in one night, and then he lost Sirius again in June. Getting too close to people puts him at risk for losing them, and he's so used to being alone that he doesn't let it hurt the way it would hurt a normal person to push people away."

"Are you saying he's not normal?" Tonks demanded, knowing she sounded ridiculous. "I'll have you know he's perfect, absolutely perfect. I couldn't care in the slightest that he's a werewolf and he knows that. He thinks he's too old, I think he's bloody better than all the men my age, and loads more mature_ and_ he's brilliantly good-looking. He thinks he's too poor; money is the last thing on my mind these days. He thinks he's too dangerous…" She started to sob loudly for a moment, and then realized where she was and what time it was and stopped just as quickly as she started. "I think he's perfect."

Molly was silent. Remus _was_ being a bit of an idiot; if he would only look at the way Tonks felt about him. Yet she understood he was afraid to lose yet another person he cared about. This time it would be more than a best friend. She sighed, and put a hand on Tonk's robed back and rubbed it slowly to calm her.

Tonks was quiet after a moment. "Thanks, Molly." She lifted the mug Molly had offered her before and sipped. "I'm just so worried about him now. I heard from Dumbledore he's going underground to tail Greyback. Soon, he's leaving. I just couldn't bear it if-"

"Tonks, dear, I have a feeling he'll come around," Molly said comfortingly.

"But what if he's hurt or-"

"Remus is quite the able man, you said so yourself. He's more than he thinks of himself, surely. He'll be fine, Tonks. And maybe when he sees Greyback and the horrible…Well, maybe he'll realize something, dear."

Tonks looked around sadly. Her hair was drooping and her eyes were pink with tears. "I'm so worried."

"Of course you are," Molly said soothingly, and gave Tonks a motherly hug. They were quiet for a moment, but their silence was interrupted by three knocks on the back door. Tonks looked up, startled, and quickly wiped her eyes once more, this time on the sleeve of her robes.

"Who's there?" Molly asked in a shaky sort of voice.

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry." Molly quickly opened the door, a relieved expression on her lined face.

"Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me such a fright, you said not to expect you before morning."

Tonks sighed. She seemed to be completely devoid of all energy and stayed sitting motionless at the table while Molly greeted Harry and Dumbledore and spoke about Slughorn, his new pick for a teacher at Hogwarts.

"Ah, hello, Nymphadora!" Dumbledore said kindly. Harry appeared at Dumbledore's side, and Tonks forced a smile, although she knew any idiot could tell there was something wrong with her.

"Hello, Professor. Wotcher, Harry."

"Hi, Tonks," Harry said quietly.

Tonks, realizing that he was ever so slightly trying to conceal a stare, took this as her opportunity to leave. "I'd better be off," she said, rising from the seat and putting her cloak on. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account," Dumbledore said. "I cannot stay, I have urget matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no, I need to get going," said Tonks. She looked down at the perfectly clean floor, remembering how she had left her soaking robes on Remus' floor and laughed about how Molly would hate it. "'Night-"

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming-?" Molly asked kindly. Tonks had seen Remus occasionally in the past few weeks since that night, and they acted stiff and formal towards one another as if their bout of kissing had been an imagined occurrence. She didn't know how easy it would be to see Remus and act as if nothing was the matter in front of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, who knew nothing of what had happened, except for what they overheard of the hushed conversations about Sirius just after his death, so she graciously declined and headed outside. She apparated, feeling the familiar sudden jerk from behind her navel, which let her know she was leaving the Burrow, but unfortunately, taking all her feelings of misery along with her.

**x x x**

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**To be continued…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous**

**By:** Susan

**Disclaimer:** It's a shame I don't own anything at all related to Harry Potter.

Summary: "And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

The night before the full moon, Remus believes he hears an intruder outside his flat and is confronted with what he believes are his last moments. Though he understands the threat that he and all in the Order live with daily, Remus is reluctant to allow himself to be drawn to the magnetism of Nymphadora Tonks, who he believes deserves more than he can give her, but it takes him quite a while to realize that she likes her men old, poor, and dangerous. The progression of RL/NT throughout HBP. Please R&R!

**CHAPTER THREE**

**x x x**

An indistinct noise, possibly howling, made the hair on the back of Remus' neck stand on end. He was alone in a frosty forest's darkness, looking for Fenrir Greyback and the werewolves that had become his followers. Leaves were crunching dangerously under his tired feet. His wand was out, ready. The crescent moon's tiny sliver of light was hardly enough to guide him. He was quiet for a second. Up ahead, in the clearing. He strained his eyes, squinting, trying to affirm his prediction. There they were.

There were at least fifty of them, many with lupine characteristics, even though they weren't transformed. He swallowed, and lifted his wand even higher. He'd have to send a message to Dumbledore to let him know he'd arrived. A silver swirl rocketed out of the tip of his wand and sailed above the treetops. Remus began to take steps towards the camp again, but then stopped. Hell, Nymphadora would kill him if he didn't let her know he was safe, but wouldn't be able to contact her until winter fell. Professor Dumbledore was unsure about how much magic he should use in front of the other werewolves. He allowed another silver swirl to exit his wand, this one more graceful and serene. He looked at it fondly as it too, sailed over the trees. How he wished he could follow it and be with her. He stared at the werewolf camp again, knowing full well he should wait until she received the message and had communicated back to him. He took a seat beside an enormous fallen tree and leaned his arm and head against it.

He was, as he had predicted, lonely without her. He was used to being lonely, of course, and yet, this time it was different. Perhaps it was the underlying reminder that this time, it was his choice to be alone. Each and every other time those he cared about were snatched away and he was given no say in the matter. He sighed, reminding himself he knew all too well what the dangers would be if he gave in to her. They had spoken again about their relationship, in secret messages and in person. She had stopped begging him to understand her now; he knew she would when he saw her Patronus. Her ability to transform had suffered immensely under the emotional difficulties. How he wished he could hold her close to him and make everything between them all right. He'd like to whisk himself away from these terrors right in front of him. Eerie music was trickling through the forest towards him, and he turned to look at the werewolf camp. Preparation for the upcoming full moon, no doubt. He had two moons to spend with them and then he would be coming back to report fully. A large silvery wolf sped towards him and hesitated inches from his wand arm, then disappeared into his wand. Nymphadora's Patronus. Nymphadora's wolf.

He felt a flowing feeling inside his head and he shut his eyes. He could see her face before him, could feel her calm voice echoing inside of him. Her hair was still brown and her eyes were still sad, and he was not reluctant in allowing himself to feel deeply responsible, because he deserved to feel that way.

"Please be careful, Remus. I don't want to lose you. I care about you and I care about us, and I don't care about anything else but wanting to be with you." He opened his eyes reluctantly, wanting, wishing, to have another moment with her. He shook his head and stared through the trees at the werewolves. This was why he couldn't be with her. He had his duty. It was time.

**x x x**

"He says on the next full moon we'll attack the nearby town," a dark-haired werewolf named Clarence whispered to Remus behind his hand. He had sallow, pale skin and a ruthless mouth that turned upward into a smile as he spoke. "Honestly, at first the idea repulsed me, and then I remembered all those times I hadn't been able to find work or I was fired because of it. Even when I wanted to rent a flat. They need to understand that if they don't push us out of their society, we'll turn to extremes."

"Agreed, completely agreed," a young woman named Gaelle commented. She too, had dark hair, and dark circles of sleepless nights under her eyes. She, along with Clarence, and two other werewolves, Amie and Neil, had invited Remus to share their cave.

"You understand," Clarence said to Remus, "The very idea of existing in wizarding society is ripped to shambles easily when someone mentions werewolf. Hell, I'd like to give that bloody Umbridge woman a bite."

Remus felt that this would be a good time to nod in agreement, although he couldn't help but feel partial actual agreement at the mention of Dolores Umbridge. Of course, he'd never do such a thing, but did hold an astounding hatred of the horrible old cow.

"I haven't seen Greyback yet," Remus said, changing the subject slightly. "Where does he stay?"

"He has his own cave," Gaelle whispered. "Him and a few absolutely loyal followers, ones who'd do anything for him. Most of us are just so used to being shunned from society that we're here looking for something better. His plans of hurting innocent people aren't fully supported by the rest of us, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. He used to preach to us about the importance of it, but lately he's stopped and is quiet most of the time, except when he speaks to his most loyal, and when they speak to the few outsiders he does communicate with."

"Outsiders?" Remus asked, trying hard not to seem overly curious. "He…er…tolerates outsiders and doesn't harm them?"

Clarence shook his head. "Invites them, actually. Seems glad to see them. He doesn't really let the rest of us in on it, but I'm confident we'll find out one day."

Remus nodded, feeling sure he'd spend the next two full moons here pondering just who Greyback was communicating with and what about.

**x x x**

"And so, Albus, Greyback is in contact with some of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters and they are planning to ransack nearby villages to bite unknowing victims."

Remus was sitting beside Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks, Professor McGonagall, and Severus Snape in a pub in Hogsmeade. Though Remus was concerned that it was out in the open, Albus had assured him that it was better that way. Leaving the school was becoming increasingly risky, what with Scrimingeour's curious followers standing guard around the school and around Hogsmeade.

Dumbledore looked down at his hands, the fingertips of which were touching each other in a spire. His face was calm yet complacent, and he nodded ever so slightly.

"Lord Voldemort was always careful to, shall we say, cover all the corners. He is of course falsifying to the werewolves, and, already, no doubt, to the dementors and giants, what the Ministry has never offered."

"It's a shame that they believe he'll actually give it to them," Kingsley said, his deep voice also thoughtful.

"When people who have been oppressed for ages are offered even a hint of equality, they rush for the ways to prove themselves worthy to attain it," Dumbledore said. He looked up at Remus.

"Is it for the coming full moon, then?" Remus too, looked thoughtful.

"I doubt it, Albus. Most of the werewolves that were there hadn't a place to go over the holidays, but there were some who had families willing to take them. I took that as my opportunity to leave to report back. But I'd assume they'd want the full lot before they went on a rampage." His voice was oddly bitter, and he met eyes with Tonks from across the table. She had abandoned her Butterbeer to a sad biting of her bottom lip. Remus looked at the ground.

"Didn't he ask them to give up their families to follow him?" Tonks asked quietly.

"The funny thing about Greyback is that he hasn't asked much of any of the others, except for his most loyal followers. The most loyal seem to comprise the majority of them. The newer arrivals, such as myself, show the signs of having tried to live a normal life. They too, went home for the holidays. I've hardly seen Greyback. Only a few times…He's in his own underground cave planning for most days. I've come to think he's just grateful to have followers at all. If they weren't planning to go along with him, would they be living in caves in the forests? He knows they aren't tolerated in society." Remus sighed. "I wish I could show them there was another way. I just haven't figured out which ones I can trust yet. The good majority seem to think he's got a point, and in a way he has. I mean, attacking people, trying to make more werewolves than normal witches and wizards, of course not…But a sort of werewolf rebellion? The Ministry just needs to understand that putting through all this legislation and warning everyone that werewolves are deadly and dangerous…I mean…" Remus stopped, not meeting Tonks' eyes. This was the exact point he had argued with her and now he was sounding like he was against the dangers. "They are, but with certain precautions…" he mumbled. "They should be trying to find a cure."

Professor McGonagall put a comforting hand on Remus' back. Dumbledore removed a large watch from the pocket of his robes. "It's growing late," he said quietly. "I think it would be best if we made our way back to our posts." He looked over at Remus, whose lined face, usually tired and weak looking, now had lines of purpose.

He put a few coins on the table, and everyone else followed in putting a bit of gold on the table, except Remus who hadn't drank anything. They began to draw the seats back from the table and stand up, pulling their scarves tight around their necks and their thick woolen coats around their robes.

"Remus, I'll ask you to try your best to report back if you hear anything particularly of interest," said Dumbledore.

"Of course," Remus nodded.

"Right then," Dumbledore said briskly. "Molly has asked me to extend you the invitation of dropping by any time over Christmas. Particularly Christmas Eve. She told me to make sure you accepted because she seemed quite certain you were awfully thin." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, and Remus smiled sadly.

"I will be there," he said quietly. Snape and Professor McGonagall had left the table and were walking towards the exit. Dumbledore followed them, and Kingsley turned to Tonks, who spoke.

"Thank you for taking the shift for me," she said, hugging him.

"No matter," he said. "Get a good night's sleep. You look like you need it." He too, walked away from the table and out of the pub, leaving Tonks and Remus alone. Before he could think of something to fill the impending awkward silence, Tonks had her arms wrapped around him and her lips pressed to his. He was momentarily stunned, but his cheeks turned pink with pleasure and surprise. No matter how much part of him was reminding him not to lead her on, he couldn't allow himself to pull away from her.

"I was so worried about you," Tonks whispered, when she had pulled away from him at last.

"I'm all right," he said quietly, running a hand through her hair, still brown and sad-looking. "Yourself, on the other hand…"

"I'm fine too," she said, taking his hand and leading him towards the door. Suddenly, he found himself so unbearably tired and he wanted nothing more than to apparate home to his flat.

"I got a room at the inn down the street," Tonks told him. "I've been patrolling Hogsmeade in shifts with Kingsley and some others, but he was kind enough to take my shift so I could get a good night's rest."

"I never thought I'd be so glad to see my flat again," Remus told her. Tonks looked upset for a moment, and then swallowed.

"See, now, Remus, that's the thing. Your flat's been…taken away since you haven't lived in it for a few months and…well…they found out you were a werewolf they decided not to give it back. I went down to get a few of your belongings for you and they weren't so keen on letting me in. Something about your rent…" Her own cheeks turned pink as she looked towards the floor, and it wasn't from the sudden cold pass over them as they exited the pub.

Remus turned scarlet. He had told them to take the money straight from his account at Gringotts, and if there was a problem with the rent then that meant he had nothing left. Nothing. No more gold. He stopped and looked around in frustration and embarrassment, and pulled his hand out of Tonks' grasp.

"You can stay at the inn with me for the night, Remus," Tonks said quietly. Remus shook his head almost instantly. He wasn't about to take charity from her or from anyone. If only he could still stay in Grimmauld Place…His cheeks were burning. He had no money, none. His tattered robes, even more pathetic looking from his time in the forest were all he had left.

"Er…You did or didn't manage to get anything from my flat," he said, looking down at the ground.

"I got a few sets of robes and your silverware and teacups and pots. I have an extra set of robes for you at the inn, and the rest of your things are at my own flat."

Remus nodded and looked down at the ground, still mortified. Tonks slipped her hand through his again, and he looked down at it, almost angrily.

"I haven't…I can't, Nymphadora, you know I can't. I can't give you anything. I can't even give myself anything anymore." Tonks looked at him sadly.

"I told you I didn't care about any of that, I never did. You can live with me, my salary pays for more than enough of—"

"Don't you see, though, that I don't want to be provided for? I can't give you anything at all, Nymphadora. I'm too old for you, and I'm too poor. I can't even afford the rent on a tiny flat in the middle of nowhere." He wrenched his hand out of her grasp, his voice wavering. "You deserve someone who can offer you something, anything."

"But I don't want someone else," Tonks said stiffly, and she started to walk again towards the inn. "I've told you it over and over, and you just don't listen to me."

They were silent the rest of the way to the inn and up the staircase to their room, number 21. The bedposts, dresser, tables, and desk were made of thick mahogany wood, and the drapes and blankets on the bed were a dark, foresty green. The bed. This, he told himself, was not a good idea.

"Only one bed," Tonks said in a suggestive, and to Remus, incriminating voice. He looked over at her and felt his anger at his situation melt away. She had some sort of power over him and he found himself unable to pull away from it, like a sort of strong magnetism.

"I can't help wondering if you planned that," Remus said, and Tonks gave him a look of mock surprise that plainly said "Me? Plan such a thing?" He stifled a chuckle.

"I brought you a set of pajamas," Tonks said, handing him a bundle of clothes and pushing him towards the small bathroom connected to their room. Remus nodded thankfully and walked in, locking the door behind him, and turned the shower water on. He hadn't felt hot water wash over him in over a month and it felt glorious to have the pressure of the water wash his fears and hesitations about everything away. When he finally opened the door to the bathroom almost twenty minutes later, Tonks leapt off the bed, her own nightgown in hand, and hurried inside.

"Finally!" she said exasperatedly. "I've had to pee for ages!"

Remus smiled and collapsed on the bed. It was warm and soft and the perfect upgrade from a patch of dirt in a frozen cave. He shut his eyes in pleasure, and when he opened them up again, the bathroom door had opened, and Tonks peeked out. Her hair, wet from her own shower, was still brown and mousy, but her eyes were articulate and beckoning, and he couldn't help (as was normally the case) his attraction to her. She came out of the bathroom cautiously, and he could see why as soon as her whole body had come out of the door. Her nightgown was made out of an astoundingly small piece of fabric. The flowing bit of blue material only slightly passed halfway between her hips and knees and left him quite a nice, unobstructed view of both her upper body and long, thin legs. He felt his cheeks heat up for what seemed like the thousandth time of the night, and if he was not mistaken, she too had fallen victim to a blush.

She scurried into bed with him and lay down. He was silent for a moment, attempting to turn his head ever so slightly towards her, just to peek a look at the spectacular.

"Remus?" she asked quietly. "Why won't you just let us be together?"

He sighed. He didn't want to answer that again. It hurt him too much.

"It's the same reason I said ages ago, Nymphadora. I can hardly give you everything you deserve." It was Tonks' turn to sigh. Remus turned so that he was facing her and looking into her eyes. "I apologize for continually leading you on, Nymphadora. I'm not going to just change my mind on a whim about things. I'm much too old for you, I haven't got a Knut to my name, and I'm-"

"A werewolf, yes, I know," said Tonks with disdain. "And very dangerous too, if I'm not mistaken."

Remus was silent, watching her, as tears welled up in her eyes once more. He had known this wasn't a good idea. Getting close to her like this wasn't good for either of them. And yet, he couldn't stop himself; he took her into his arms and held her. He thought he quite deserved her to feel her sad tears on his skin and convulsive sobbing against his body.

**x x x**

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**To be continued…**


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